Time is a Thief

Our baby is eight months old! Eight!! How is this even possible?

She’s crawling everywhere and is a force that can’t be stopped. She’s starting to pull herself to her knees so I’m thinking she’ll be furniture surfing next?? She’s always keeping us on our toes.

She’s also started clapping, leaning in for kisses, giving (open-mouth) kisses (lol), handing toys to us, and she’s saying Dada. We’ve started some solid foods with her since a little before 6 months and she’s definitely sensitive to weird textures, so we’re having to try certain foods a few times before she eats them. It’s such an exciting thing to see her learn and start making these connections with us.

Once she started crawling at about 7.5 months, the next sleep regression/growth spurt started and my gosh that one was the worst yet. A lot of scream crying at naps/bedtime or not sleeping at all. There were two nights one of us sat upright and slept while holding her because she wouldn’t stay asleep otherwise. The moment she felt us trying to lay her down she would wake and start crying. Desperate times! She otherwise has slept in her crib and does great in it.

As hard as those moments are they are SO temporary and all the fun moments outweigh the sleep deprivation. She’s a tiny person going through so much change and growth, I wish I could do more to help her in those times.

This week I’ve had to keep her home with me. The daycare class closed due to a couple teachers catching covid. Thankfully Grace hasn’t shown any symptoms and she seems OK. I’ve been working while taking care of her and it’s definitely hard, but I’m soaking up this extra time I get to spend with her.

It’s really true when people say once their baby is born that it was as if they always existed. For years on this blog I’ve cried and pleaded for this miracle. Tried to imagine her face or her laugh. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t look at her and think “how is she real?” I’m so thankful God brought her to us.

xoxo

Soaking It In

Tomorrow I’ll be 32 weeks pregnant! I swear this whole journey has been surreal and I’m so indescribably thankful. We had a private scan done and got to see her face; she was yawning, opening her eyes, sucking her thumb, and sticking her tongue out. She’s got chunky cheeks already and I can’t wait to hold her. One of my friends said “she’s a whole freaking baby” and I laughed because it’s true and unbelievable at the same time.

On the other hand, I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to miss her kicks in my belly. Wondering if this will be my only time to experience pregnancy. I don’t let myself think about this too much, but it has crossed my mind. We have two frozen embryos left, so who knows what the future holds (God, duh).

Tomorrow is my baby shower and I’m beyond excited to celebrate this little girl. Many of our family and friends know that this actually isn’t our first baby shower. We had one thrown for us when we were foster parents and anticipating a newborn up to a one year old. I remember walking in and crying because I had such mixed emotions. Everything was beautiful, so many of our loved ones gathered, but I felt unworthy as I didn’t have a baby in my belly.

There was also sadness surrounding my own mother not being present. Unfortunately, she will not be at this shower either. A very personal topic I’ve not written about, only spoken to those closest to us. Back then, my parents did not support us fostering/adopting as a way to build our family. And now, presently, we are not on speaking terms as a decision on my part. Many factors play into this, but I needed to do so to stop toxicity and create boundaries for my own sanity. Infertility has changed me as a person and I’ve had the woes of that grief thrown back in my face. By my own mother. By other family. And “friends.” This will probably be a post for another time, but yes; I no longer have relationships with certain people due to them not understanding the deep grief and trauma that is infertility.

With all of that being said, I’ve felt a little anxious about people being able to make it to the shower tomorrow. Majority of family present will be my husband’s, something I’ve grown used to, but it still hurts. I don’t have relationships with many of my own family on either one of my parents’ sides. It’s been that way for many years and although I’ve grown used to it, it still saddens me. It is what it is I suppose. I’m thankful to have so much support from Taylor’s side of the family. It’s been that way our entire marriage and I’m so happy for it.

I wasn’t sure which direction this post was going in, but these are what some of my thoughts have been leading up to the shower. I’m looking forward to wearing my maternity gown, doing my hair and makeup, and seeing those I love shower our girl! Ready to soak it all in. I also may have to get Taylor to paint my toes for me haha! I’m ready to celebrate. ❤

xoxo