Full Circle

I’ve been thinking about writing this next post for about a week now and I think I’ve been hesitant to do so because it’s about such an intimate moment between Taylor and I.

It was the day before New Year’s eve and I had just put our little guy down for the night. I was scrolling through Instagram and started seeing everyone’s “best nine” from the year and I figured out how to do my own. It was no surprise that the majority of the pictures had something to do with us fostering and preparing our home for a little one.

It all hit me. I started reflecting on the past year and started to think about all the stress that occurred with the fertility clinic and our desire to have a family of our own. I was thinking about all of the moments I spent longing to get pregnant — and still do — as well as the many times I sat in the rocking chair in the nursery just imagining a little one’s face as I held them in my arms. Naturally, I started to cry. Would you expect anything different? 🙂

I hadn’t cried in awhile, so once I started the tears just kept coming. I walked into the living room where Taylor was and he saw me crying. He asked what was wrong and I was able to shake my head as if to say “Nothing” and I sat on his lap, all curled up. I said I had just been thinking about the past year and last New Year’s eve. Through tears I explained how I wished we would have a family of our own when him and I kissed at midnight. Through my blubbering I said how happy I am and that I couldn’t believe we have a tiny human with us to celebrate this new year. I started to make Taylor tear up and I knew he had been thinking about it too.

Through all of the frustrating day-to-day moments and feeling like I don’t have enough time to do everything on my list, I soak it all in–the good and bad. I remind myself constantly of the longing feelings I felt thinking about having a little one to hold and care for. I never imagined having a one year old, but I think God knew what he was doing when He brought us together. I’m getting teary even now while thinking about all of this again because it’s something my heart has longed for for some time.

I can’t see into the future, so I can’t say if we’ll still have him with us six months from now, but I know that we will love him for however long we have him…and even longer. This all may not sound like much, but it was such a sweet moment between us as husband and wife…a full circle moment. To know that we can share ourselves and our love with someone who has been through so much in his short life, we feel lucky. I pray that the outcome is in his favor and that he will be safe wherever he is in his future.

You make our lives better. We wished for you. We prayed for you. We love you, A.

xoxo

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