Today I had my first nervous thoughts of “Will I be a good mom?”
I think about all the things I don’t know about raising a baby and I see myself fumbling around trying to soothe their cries or not being able to find their favorite “lovey” that they just can’t sleep without. These thoughts are normal, right?
We’re halfway through our foster parent classes and I gathered the ton of paperwork this week that’s needed to submit to the agency. The baby shower is set for mid September–yes, a shower! I thought it would be completely weird, but it’s actually a very common thing when couples are fostering/adopting. I was hesitant to have one at first because it would definitely be different for obvious reasons, but two of my sweetest friends have taken over the planning for it. I’m so incredibly grateful for them and God brought us into each other’s lives and I’m so thankful for it. I digress, though…
I’m looking forward to the shower and I’m fairly certain I’ll cry because I know a lot of sinking in will happen when I walk into the room. We have the crib and changing table set up in the newly painted nursery and I secretly stand in the middle of the room imagining his or her face, just lying there in the crib. I think about all the highs and lows we will have. I also pray for God’s guidance as we navigate through it all.
Even though I’m not pregnant I’m still starting to experience the nerves, the excitement, and the fear just to name a few feelings. I know we’ll figure out a lot as we go and I’m looking forward to continuing on this journey with my husband. I know this will bring us closer together and we will learn so much about ourselves as we parent together.
Aside from the crib and changing table we have a dresser and a diaper bag, along with a few onesies/outfits I couldn’t help but buy. I will say I’m excited about the diaper bag since it’s one of those backpack style bags and Tay will wear it too! We will slowly keep getting the things we need for a baby and the shower will of course help us tremendously. Whether it’s our first or our fifth placement, I pray we are able to adopt a sweet child one day.