Unanswered Questions

I may or may not be using today’s daily prompt as an excuse for an update on our fertility journey. I feel as if we were on the cusp of an answer to our biggest question: Why aren’t we able to conceive?

Sadly, our question wasn’t answered at Taylor’s follow up appointment yesterday.

As I mentioned previously, in my first post, he was scheduled to see a urologist on March 6th. After spending two and a half hours at the office with talking to the actual doctor for a total of 15 minutes, a couple of tests were ordered and a follow up visit scheduled a month later.

Taylor got an ultrasound and blood work done and all came back normal.

I repeat: normal.

Our options given by the urologist:

1. In vitro

2. Testicular biopsy (aka unnecessary surgery)

3. Corrective vein surgery (not necessary when the ultrasound showed no abnormalities, but the doctor says he felt an enlarged vein)

We cannot now or ever afford in vitro as it’s  $8-12 THOUSAND dollars. We also both feel those surgeries would be unnecessary and exploratory as the tests showed nothing wrong. And it would put him out of work for a week.

So this is what we have.

We might look into doing another iui procedure if his count is a bit higher. We’re hoping that after taking vitamins for a few months his count will increase at least a little.

Other than that we need to rely on prayer and faith that we’ll conceive one day. This is one of the hardest things we’ve dealt with in our marriage so far. We won’t give up trying on our own.

I know the hardest thing for me will be to convince myself that this is entirely out of our hands. No more making up symptoms, no more stressing about it, no more jealousy of other women who seem to not even try and yet end up pregnant.

No. More.

This is truly out of our hands; we will continue to love each other and wait for God’s impeccable timing.

There are often unanswered questions in life, but rarely unanswered prayers. Those prayers may take longer than we’d like to be answered, but they will be answered one day. Something like this is out of our hands and the only thing we can rely on is our love for each other, faith in God, and prayer. No miracle is too big and I need to read this post to myself over and over so I’m reminded that nothing is impossible for Him.


via Daily Prompt: Cusp


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