We’re currently in the middle of a marriage series at church and the first thing I thought about was the pastor’s discussion around false expectations.
The word of the year is Honor and, as you can imagine, also relates to the current series. He talks about why many marriages fail due to a lack of honor in the relationship. To honor means to treat someone as precious and valuable. Therefore, we are meant to continuously honor our mate. Whether that means cleaning the house, listening to one another, or taking time to simply date each other… don’t confuse it with respect, as that is earned. Honor is given to someone. When you honor your mate you pull them up despite their actions being dishonorable.
If you’re married, or simply living with your partner, did you have in your mind the way things would be prior to living together? Did you expect your partner to put the dishes away without asking? Or expect him or her to have dinner ready when you came home each day?
False expectations can also happen with the way someone assumes they’re going to receive affection. I highly recommend taking the love languages test with your partner. It’s very insightful as it starts a discussion surrounding how you and your partner prefer to receive affection. Taylor and I did it during our pre-marriage counseling and I’m so glad we did.
Eliminating false expectations in your relationship is, in my opinion, key to honoring your spouse. Once you learn that things are a little different than you thought they’d be, talk about it with your partner. He or she can’t possibly know you don’t like something if you don’t tell him or her.
Creating false expectations lets yourself down and puts too much pressure on your partner. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when we do this in our relationship, but we’ve gotten better about it as time has went on. We’ve had long talks about this very thing and have grown closer to one another by doing so.
Honor one another as you honor God by putting Him first in your marriage. It makes a difference.